Christmas time in Poland

Christmas time is back again
Been coming round since you know when
Suddenly the evenings get all dark
There's something special in the air
'cos I'm not going home this year
Christmas time in Poland is carp

No presents by the Christmas tree
There's none for me and none for me
And noone's sent us any Christmas cards
No Christmas crackers going snap
No brussel sprouts I'm glad of that
But worst of all they close up all the bars

I think the turkeys got their wish
'Cos everybody's eating fish
Christmas time in Poland is carp

Today's locked up with family
There's murder intrigue cookery
I reckon that disaster's on the cards
Waiting till a star appears
Communion bread and soup with ears
Christmas time in Poland means I starve

Grandma's choked up on a fish
She's laying face down in a dish
Christmas time in Poland is carp

My hamster spoke to me last night
I have to say I think he's right
That Christmas time in Poland is bizarre

My girl's left me for another
Life is brutal pass the vodka
Christmas time is tough on broken hearts

Now it's time to stop and think
and have another Christmas drink
Don't let the Christmas spirits go too far
It's time to love your fellow man
Not literally or you'll get banned
Let Christmas show how fabulous you are

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VOCABULARY
'cos = because a Christmas cracker - Bożonarodzeniowa kartonowa tuba z niespodzianką, która, rozrywana z dwóch stron, wydaje dźwięk podobny do sztucznych ogni a brussel sprout - brukselka	to reckon - oczekiwać, spodziewać communion bread - opłatek to starve - głodować to choke up - zadławić się bizarre - przedziwny a fellow man - kumpel literally - dosłownie

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Joke of the week

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A man was sent to prison. In the evening, when the guards turned off the lights, one of the prisoners from another cell shouted "TWENTY-SEVEN" and all other prisoners began to laugh. After a while some other man shouted "EIGHTY-ONE" and everybody burst out with laughter again.

The man was confused and he asked his cell mate why everybody laughed when somebody shouted a number.

The cell mate said: You see, in the library there is a book that has hundreds of jokes in it. We have been here so long that we learnt them all by heart, so when somebody shouts the number of the page, we know what joke it is and we laugh at it.

Next morning the man went to the library and read a few pages of the book. He chose some really good jokes and wrote the numbers of pages on a piece of paper, as he wanted to tell them to other prisoners.

In the evening, when it was dark, he shouted "FIFTEEN". There was only silence. He tried with another joke. "FORTY-THREE". Again silence. He was rather disappointed and he asked his cell mate -"Why is nobody laughing?" And the guy replied "It's the way you tell them..."

VOCABULARY
cell mate - współwięzień to burst out with laughter - wybuchnąć śmiechem	to learn by heart - nauczyć się na pamięć

The Great Escape from the Rock

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Just as everybody has heard of the Statue of Liberty or Great Canyon, everybody is familiar with the name of the Alcatraz Island, also known as the Rock. Between 1934 and 1963 that small island situated in the middle of San Francisco Bay was the place of imprisonment for the most dangerous, corrupted and vicious criminals of that times. The fact that the infamous Al Capone was kept there gives an idea about how well-secured this place was.
In spite of precautions and the natural barrier formed by the waters of the Pacific Ocean various groups of prisoners made 14 attempts to escape. Some of them were shot during the escape, others drowned - only two people actually managed to get to the mainland (they were arrested one more time and sent back to the island some years later). One of the attempts, however, was so carefully planned and so cunning that to this day it has remained a most inspiring story.

The mastermind of the operation was Frank Lee Morris. Although he was a highly intelligent person, he had lived a life of crime since early teens. What is more, he had been doing time in many prisons before and he had managed to escape from a few of them. His partners were brothers John and Clarence Anglin, bank robbers, and Allan West - another hardened jailbird. The preparations took seven months and were unbelievably careful. The prisoners knew that behind the walls of their cells was a utility corridor that no one paid any attention to. Using such tools as spoons or a primitive drill made of the engine stolen from a vacuum cleaner, they made holes in the walls around air vents that led to the corridor. In order to hide the effects of their work they erected false walls. One of the Anglin brothers' tasks was to produce dummies that the prisoners would leave in beds to deceive the guards. They made them from toilet paper, soap and cement; hair stolen from the barbershop was glued to dummies' heads. What is more, as the prisoners realised that it would not be easy to swim to the mainland (showers in the Alcatraz prison were always quite hot so that prisoners would not get accustomed to cold water), they stole as many as 50 rubber raincoats and used them to manufacture a raft that could be promptly inflated by means of a device they made from an accordion.
The escape went well - up to a point. Allan West was not able to remove the grille on the air vent and so he was left behind. The three men went through the corridor, climbed to the roof of the prison, and climbed down on the other side. And then they disappeared. Whether their escape was a success or a failure is still a matter of a debate. A decomposed body of a man in the prison uniform was found floating in water some time later and so were some of their private possessions. If the three men died during the escape, however, they died as free men.

VOCABULARY
to be familiar with - być zaznajomionym z imprisonment - uwięzienie vicious - podstępny, okrutny well-secured - dobrze strzeżony precaution - środek ostrożności cunning - przebiegły mastermind - "mózg operacji" to do time - odsiadywać wyrok hardened - zatwardziały jailbird - recydywista	utility - użytkowy, do celów gospodarczych air vent - otwór wentylacyjny to erect - wznosić dummy - kukła to deceive - oszukać barbershop - zakład fryzjerski raft - tratwa to inflate - nadmuchiwać grille - krata decomposed - rozłożony to float - unosić się na wodzie

Vocabulary exercise

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Which of the words from the glossary match the definitions?
1. to put up, to raise	a) ...........................................
2. bad, rotten	b) ...........................................
3. model, mannequin	c) ...........................................
4. cruel	d) ...........................................
5. to trick, to take in	e) ...........................................
6. to fill with air, to pump	f) ...........................................
7. prisoner	g) ...........................................
8. tough, cynical	h) ...........................................
9. safety measure	i) ...........................................
10. to know well	j) ...........................................
11. organizer, genius	k) ...........................................
12. hole through which air passes	l) ...........................................

Answer key:
a) to erect    b) decomposed    c) dummy    d) vicious    e) to deceive    f) to inflate    g) jailbird    h) hardened    i) precaution    j) to be familiar with    k) mastermind    l) air vent

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Joke of the week

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A husband and a wife come to a dentist. The man says: "Look, we're in a hurry and I need you to pull a tooth. Do it as quickly as possible; you don't have to use any anaesthetics. Just do it quickly."
"Do you realize how very painful it will be?" - asks the dentist, and the man nods his head - "Okay then, which tooth is it?"
"Honey," - says the man to his wife - "Open your mouth and show the doctor which tooth it is."

The brief history of the toothbrush

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Although it's the 21st century, oral hygiene is still a fairly delicate matter. On the one hand, most people know that they should brush their teeth at least twice a day; some of them even use dental floss on a regular basis. Numerous TV commercials tell you how easy it is to keep your teeth nice and white thanks to magnificent, hi-tech toothbrushes, which were designed by engineers working for NASA, or new toothpastes that contain ingredients found only in the Amazon Jungle. On the other hand, it is not very hard to meet somebody - an educated, witty person - whose breath makes you cry. What is more, in spite of all the latest equipment and anaesthetics, going to a dentist is still a traumatic experience.
The struggle to keep your teeth white and healthy has been going on for thousands of years. Primitive people would use sticks, feathers and animal bones to remove bits of food from their mouth (so whenever you go camping and it turns out that you have forgotten the toothbrush, watch out for bushes, chickens or remains of somebody's supper). The great Prophet Muhammad himself often used miswak which was a twig of a certain plant growing in the Middle East (modern scientists have not confirmed all of its supposed benefits). It seems that according to some rules of Islam using it before prayers can actually enhance their effect.

The first "modern" toothbrushes were invented in the USA in the 19th century, yet they were expensive products made of animal hair and bone. They didn't really work well and were rather delicate. It wasn't until the outbreak of World War II when synthetic materials were used for the first time and the mass production began. American soldiers were ordered to brush their teeth everyday and it was them who popularised toothbrushes among the rest of population.
Today, toothbrushes have all possible inbuilt functions, possibly except for Hi-Definition TV-sets. The problem is that even if you use them regularly, once in a while you will actually have to pay some dentist a lot of money for torturing you with drills. It's a very painful paradox.

VOCABULARY
dental floss - nić dentystyczna hi-tech - zaawansowany technologicznie ingredient - składnik witty - dowcipny breath - oddech anaesthetic - środek znieczulający feather - pióro	remains - pozostałości twig - gałązka supposed - domniemany benefit - zaleta to enhance - zwiększać outbreak - wybuch (wojny, epidemii) inbuilt - wbudowany

Vocabulary exercise

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Match words with their definitions.
1. jaw	a) one of the basic ingredients of toothpaste
2. gums	b) large tooth used for grinding food
3. wisdom tooth	c) protective layer covering teeth
4. molar tooth	d) soft organ which surrounds the mouth
5. canine	e) tooth that is used for cutting through food
6. palate	f) bone structure, made of two elements, that enables chewing of food
7. lips	g) extra tooth that modern people do not really need
8. enamel	h) it can be soft or hard; it is the ceiling of the oral cavity
9. caries (cavities)	i) long, pointy tooth that is used by animals as the main weapon
10. tongue	k) tissue protecting teeth
11. fluoride	l) spaces within teeth often caused by bacteria
12. incisor	m) group of muscles that allows for chewing food and talking

Answer key:
1. f; 2. k; 3. g; 4. b; 5. i; 6. h; 7. d; 8. c; 9. l; 10. m; 11. a; 12. e

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Did you know?

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According to American spies there four reasons for which you may decide to betray your country (MICE): Money, Ideology, Coercion, Excitement

Joke of the week

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A top FBI agent was looking for an assistant, and a certain young officer named Johnson applied for the position. The top agent decided that it would be good to test Johnson's intelligence.
"Tell me Johnson," he asked him "How much is 1 and 1?"
"11"
The agent thought for a while "It's not really correct, but in a way he's right."
"Tell me Johnson, what two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Tomorrow and Today."
The man was amazed how creative Johnson was, so he asked him the final question.
"Now focus, Johnson: Who killed John Fitzgerald Kennedy?"
That was a hard one and Johnson had to admit that he didn't know the answer.
"In that case, go home and check it, okay?"
Johnson left the office and was approached by other candidates who wanted to know how the interview went. Johnson was enthusiastic. "It went great! It's my first day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

VOCABULARY
to betray - zdradzić coercion - przymus	to approach - zbliżać się

The people who were James Bond

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Even in the cinematic league of superheroes James Bond is in a class by himself. Not only does he speak dozens of foreign languages, but also he is an acrobat, a professional poker player, a stunt driver, a master of martial arts, an excellent marksman, a brilliant lover, a cunning strategist and ... well, the list could go on forever, really. It's enough to put the common sense to work to deduct that no man in his early forties would have been able to learn all this stuff. It does make sense, however, when you realize that James Bond is a compilation of a few really talented people that Ian Fleming, the inventor of the super spy, had met. The following are the most well-know names associated with Bond.

James Bond #1

Colonel Duane Hudson - a British soldier renowned for his bravery and cunning in World War II. A regular womaniser, an engineer and a versatile sportsman (he also spoke six foreign languages). He was given some highly dangerous missions, such as sabotaging German ships or training Yugoslavian partisans. At some point he was given £80,000 in gold and diamonds and was asked to use them to fund anti-Nazi guerrilla. Some of this money was spent, some of it he stashed for himself.

James Bond #2

Patric Dalzel-Job - a commando and expert mariner, skier and parachutist, though, unlike Bond, he never liked alcohol and was happily married to the same woman till the day he died. In 1940s he was a navigation officer that was responsible for evacuation of English soldiers from Narvik in Norway. Although he was given direct orders to cease the evacuation of Norwegian civilians, he kept doing it. It is said that he may have saved as many as 5,000 people. His later missions involved attacking German ships in midget submarines and many special operations behind the enemy lines which proved his great courage and resourcefulness.

VOCABULARY
league - liga stunt driver - kierowca kaskader marksman - strzelec wyborowy cunning - przebiegły, przebiegłość to put sth to work - użyć renowned - znany womaniser - kobieciarz	versatile - wszechstronny guerrilla - partyzantka to stash - ukryć mariner - żeglarz civilian - cywil midget - karłowaty, miniaturowy resourcefulness - pomysłowość

Vocabulary exercise

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Put the words from the glossary into the gaps.

1. I will not let you go out with this boy! Everybody knows that he is a __________.
2. You will do this exercise in no time if you ________ your brain ________.
3. Till the day he died, the thief didn't confess where he ________ the money he had stolen.
4. A few good matches like that and our team will move to the First ______.
5. She was a really _______ employee, it's a pity she decided to quit our company.
6. Had it not been for his _________, he wouldn't have survived on the desert.

Answer key:
1. womaniser; 2. put to work; 3. stashed; 4. League; 5. versatile; 6. resourcefulness

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Why telly is not good for you

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There are two numbers - 13 and 170. They both refer to the number of minutes spent by an average male Brit everyday on:
a) sport and outdoor activities
b) watching TV, DVDs or listening to music at home.

Now focus because here goes a tricky question: which number goes with which group of activities?
It wasn't particularly difficult, was it? Sadly, it seems that despite the scarcity of free time, which is typical even for teenagers these days, most of us would rather spend it sitting on a couch, with a remote control in hand, rather than reading, pursuing hobbies or even spending time with friends. There are, however, a few very good reasons why we should cut down on the 170, or possibly reduce it to zero.
To start with, the excessive use of electronic media is unhealthy. Its adverse effects on our organisms are not a great secret, and they include, among others: accumulation of fat around the body parts, failing eyesight, the spine that is as crooked as a pretzel and just as fragile, and partial deafness suffered by people who use their mp3 players with little respect for their ears.
It is, however, the mental and social effects that we should worry about. Firstly, it has been proven by many parallel studies that too much TV makes you an imbecile. Long gone are the days when it was the social mission of broadcasters to offer programs that the audience should watch rather than desire to watch. Consequently, what we have these days is an easily digestible pulp of little value, the highlights of which are debilitating soap operas, talk shows where people spill their guts, and reality shows that have little to do with reality. And, of course, there is Taniec z gwiazdami which is in a class by itself. (To fully grasp why I personally hold it responsible for the decrease in the nation's IQ, read some glossy magazines, or listen to a couple of middle-aged women talking about the last episode.)

People watch TV or DVDs because it is less challenging than reading, and as a result 20% of them have no idea what the news anchors are talking about when they use words longer than three syllables. In fact, it has been estimated that about seven million UK residents are functionally illiterate; some universities have launched courses that will teach students how to read and understand academic books.
Although, I imagine, there might be people for whom being able to read books is not really important, here is something that will appeal to all adults. A research conducted by a team of Italian psychologists has shown that couples that have TV-sets in their bedrooms have sex twice less often than couples that do not have it. Apparently, it is easier and less tiring to focus on a film than your partner.
There is also one more danger connected with electronic media - at some point you may believe that what they show is real. Some two years ago, a certain Serb has jumped out of the window and badly injured himself. He was not trying to kill himself - in fact he was trying to evacuate as the people on TV warned him of approaching tsunami. Only when he was falling down did he realize that there are no tsunamis in South Serbia. Apparently, he did not quite understand what the news anchors were talking about.

VOCABULARY
to refer - odnosić się
tricky - podchwytliwy
scarcity - niedostatek
to pursue - uprawiać
to cut down on - ograniczyć
excessive - przesadny, nadmierny
adverse - szkodliwy
failing - pogarszający się
spine - kręgosłup
crooked - pogięty
fragile - kruchy, łamliwy
deafness - głuchota
parallel - równoległy, jednoczesny
broadcaster - nadawca (programów)
digestible - strawny
highlight - główna atrakcja
debilitating - ogłupiający
to spill your guts - opowiadać wylewnie o swoich uczuciach i życiu prywatnym
to be in a class by oneself - być klasą samą dla siebie
to grasp - rozumieć, pochwycić
to hold something responsible for - winić za
glossy magazines - czasopisma ilustrowane
challenging - trudny, ambitny
decrease - obniżka
news anchor - prezenter wiadomości
to launch - rozpocząć

Vocabulary exercise 

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1. The new model of Mercedes is fantastic! It's ______________ .
2. We ___________ this project a year ago; it's been really hard work.
3. What are you watching? Not one of your ____________ programs about pop celebrities?
4. He called me yesterday, and he was ____________ for 30 minutes.
5. I'm afraid your ___________ is incurable: you will have to use a hearing aid.
6. I suggested watching a _________ play in the theatre, but she said she'd rather watch something in the cinema.
7. You really should _______________ cigarettes: they are killing you.
8. I could tell by the look on their faces that they didn't _________ what I was talking about.
9. Look how self-confident she is! She's the best _________ of TVN 24.
10. His _______ health didn't let him __________ his interest which was rugby.
11. That's a _________ question! I don't know, really.
12. The ___________ of the event was the concert of some local rock band.
13. The migration of young people to the UK is caused by the _________ of work on the job market.  

Joke of the week

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A guy sits in a bar watching TV and sipping beer. The barmaid is a blonde. At some point there's a news programme and one of the stories is about a man standing on the bridge, wishing to commit suicide.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," says the guy to the barmaid.
"I'll bet you $10 that he won't," replies the blonde. And a second later, the man on the bridge jumps off and kills himself. The barmaid hands the guy a 10 dollar banknote.
"Keep your money ," says the man. "I cheated you. I saw this story on the four o'clock news."
"No, it's okay. Take it," says the blonde. "I saw it on the four o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was stupid enough to jump again!"

VOCABULARY
to seep - sączyć
barmaid - barmanka

Answer Key:
1. in a class by itself    2. launched    3. debilitating    4. spilling his guts    5. deafness    6. challenging    7. cut down on    8. grasp    9. news anchor    10. failing; pursue    11. tricky    12. highlight    13. scarcity

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Bushmen's way to work-free life

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Each of you, poor souls, reading this article is likely to spend some 40 years of your life on working your backside off. Fortunate are those who actually like their jobs - it makes it so much easier for them to get up in the morning on each of 260 working days every year. Most of us, however, do not have such motivation. "Work puts bread on our tables and clothes on our backs," says the majority of my friends, even if what they mean by bread is Chinese take-away, and clothes are usually some articles from the latest H&M collection. The discrepancy between what we really need and what we think we need has been a topic of many scholarly works and sermons over the centuries. On the one hand, everybody will tell you that it is love, family and friendship that really matter in life, and everything else is just rubbish. On the other hand, the very same people buy new mobiles every two years, work extra-hours to pay their car credits, and call their parents once in a blue moon because "it has been such a hectic time lately". Regardless of how much we work - and earn - there is always a range of products and services that we are not yet able to afford. Naturally, we do our best to catch the bunny (like a new BMW, or holidays in Jamaica) - and that chase makes the world what it is - yet the creature always seems to be beyond our reach. Now, do I need to mention how frustrating it is?

Strangely enough there was a time in the history of human beings when everybody had absolutely everything they could dream of. I do not refer to the biblical Garden of Eden, but the hunter-gatherers who lived in the Neolithic period, and whose descendents are primitive tribes that still live in remote parts of the globe. According to some anthropologists, those people worked as little as 3 hours a day. Sometimes they worked very hard for a few days in a row, sometimes they did absolutely nothing to support themselves for weeks. Still, they always went to bed with full stomachs. They passed their time on chatting, dancing, playing with children, making love to their partners, or visiting relatives from other tribes who had as much leisure time as they did. The nature provided abundance of food, even if what they ate would be repulsive by modern standards. They needed no gadgets, nor fancy clothes; neither was there a need to appoint bosses since there was no work to be supervised. And yet, it took only a few hours of picking nuts and berries to provide enough food for three people for a few days.

Now, I am not naive enough to encourage anybody to strip down to their underpants and move to Puszcza Kampinoska. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to pay for your health insurance or children's education in acorns and berries. There are, however, a few obvious lessons to be learnt from the people of the Neolithic age. To start with, one should know how to resist the urge to buy things that serve no other purpose than cheering one up, or helping one catch up with the latest fashions - obviously we are perfectly able to be happy without them. Secondly, remember that neither your body nor mind are prepared to work intensively for more than a few hours a day - no matter what your manager thinks. Thirdly, never neglect your friends, family, or things that make you happy - in the long run it does not pay off.

It is the habit of modern businessmen to write books on how to get rich by means of hard work and cunning strategies. Perhaps it is possible to get richer than any of them simply by doing nothing.

VOCABULARY
to work one's backside off - harować jak wół
take-away - jedzenie na wynos
discrepancy - rozbieżność
scholarly works - prace naukowe
sermon - kazanie
once in a blue moon - (idiom) od wielkiego dzwonu
hectic - gorączkowy
chase - pościg
hunter-gatherers - kultura myśliwsko-zbieracka
descendent - potomek
abundance - obfitość
repulsive - odrażający
acorn - żołądź
urge - pragnienie
to neglect - zaniedbywać

Vocabulary exercise 

---

Example: healer, GP, physician = doctor

a) pig, copper, constable = ............
b) barrister, ambulance chaser, counsellor = ............
c) padre, vicar, reverend = ............
d) administrator, executive, top dog = ............
e) artisan, creator, virtuoso = ............
f) congressman, statesman, baby-kisser = .............  

Joke of the week
A lawyer and a Scotsman

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A young office worker was getting ready to go home when he saw his boss standing by the shredder, holding a piece of paper in his hand.
"Look," said the boss, "I've got a favour to ask. I've got a very important and confidential document here, and unfortunately my secretary has already gone home. Could you make this thing work for me?"
"No problem, Sir," replied the young employee. He switched on the shredder, put the document in and pushed START.
"Splendid!" said the boss, "By the way, I only need one copy."

Answer Key:
a) policeman  b) lawyer  c) priest  d) manager  e) artist  f) politician

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People versus the McDonald's corporation
The McDonald's corporation versus People 

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They operate in more than a hundred countries. Indefinite number of cows need to be slaughtered every year to produce 30,000 tons of beef that is used for serving hamburgers in their restaurants. They are the only player on the fast food market that opened their own Hamburger University (Oak Brook, Illinois), the aim of which is to teach people how to make more hamburgers in a shorter time and at lower costs. They are the McDonald's corporation.

When you build an empire of that size and wealth, it seems that certain controversial actions have to be taken on the way. As a result, the opponents of globalisation, health experts and environmentalists are only some of the people who have found skeletons hidden in the company's closet.

In 1986 in London, a group of Green Peace activists was distributing a leaflet called "What's wrong with McDonald's". According to its main thesis: the company and its likes absorbed food and natural resources from poor countries, thus making them even poorer. They also encouraged cutting down the Amazonian forest, as more land was needed for cow ranchers who supplied their restaurants with meat. Tests showed that as far as nutrition standards were concerned, the food they served was not only worthless, but possibly very unhealthy. Finally, although these are only a selection of the most important points, they often tried to use marketing strategies that intentionally exploited family values or tried to attract children by means of aggressive advertising.

The company sued the Green Peace activists, among them Helen Steel and David Morris, for libel. For obscure formal reasons, the pair (the remaining members of the group apologized to the company and backed off) was not given legal aid and neither could they afford a lawyer, so they defended themselves. The company, on the other hand, hired a team of top lawyers and, unsurprisingly, it won. Funnily enough, it the course of the trial it turned out that most of the thesis published in the leaflet were accurate, so the company's reputation suffered immensely. Steel and Morris received huge support from the public and they decided to appeal. The legal battle continued and the corporation was accused of using hired spies and corrupted policemen to infiltrate the Green Peace group.

Finally, last year European Court of Human Rights ruled that the initial decision of the court that gave victory to the corporation was invalid and the conduct of the trial breached the Steel and Morris's right to freedom of expression as well as the right to a fair trial. After 20 years of conflict, the infamous case of "McLibel" was solved, yet the company seems to be doing just fine. 

VOCABULARY
indefinite - nieokreślony
to slaughter - zarzynać
environmentalist - działacz organizacji ekologicznych
to have a skeleton in the closet - ukrywać przed innymi niewygodne fakty
leaflet - ulotka
to cut down - wycinać
nutrition - odżywianie
to exploit - wykorzystywać
libel - pomówienie
obscure - niejasny
to back off - wycofać się
to appeal - odwoływać się
to rule - zarządzić
conduct - przebieg
to breach - łamać (prawo, reguły)

Vocabulary exercise 

---

Which of the words from the glossary match the definitions? 

1. to decree - ...............
2. to abuse - .................
3. to have a secret that you want to hide - .........................
4. presenting false information that is hurtful for a person or organization- ..................
5. a small publication usually meant for free distribution - ..................
6. to violate law - ..................
7. somebody who wants to preserve the natural environment - ..................
8 food, diet - ..................
9. handling, organization - ..................
10. to kill - ..................
 

Joke of the week
A lawyer and a Scotsman

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A certain lawyer form London went to Scotland to hunt ducks. As he shot a bird, it fell onto a field behind a fence. He climbed over the fence and was getting ready to pick the duck when an elderly farmer appeared driving a tractor.
"Leave that duck. It's on my land." - said the farmer.
"But I shot it! It's mine!" - exclaimed the lawyer.
"Yeah, but it's on my property!" - replied the Scottish farmer.
"Look mate, I'm a lawyer. Either you let me take that duck, or I'll sue you, and I'll have your land, your tractor and everything you've got!" - answered the man from London.
"You don't know how we solve this sort of problems here in Scotland." - said the farmer. - "We use the Three Kick Rule."
"How does it work?" - asked the lawyer.
"Well, I kick you three times, and then you kick me three times, and so it goes on until one of us gives up." - replied the farmer.
The lawyer thought that since the farmer was an old man, it couldn't be very painful, so he agreed.
The first kick of farmer's heavy boots hit him in the private parts. When he fell down on his knees, another kick almost broke his nose. He was lying on the ground, in agony, when the third kick hurt his kidney. After a while he was able to stand up. He spitted out blood and said: "Okey, it my turn."
"It's okay." - replied the farmer. - "I give up. You can take the duck."

VOCABULARY
fence - ogrodzenie
elderly - w podeszłym wieku
to sue sb - pozwać kogoś
private parts - "części intymne"
kidney - nerka
to spit out - wypluwać

Answer Key:
1. to rule,    2. to exploit,    3. to have a skeleton in the closet,    4. libel,    5. leaflet,    6. to breach,    7. environmentalist,    8. nutrition ,    9. conduct,    10. to slaughter

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